Hello, blogosphere, I’m back. After a year-long hiatus I’ve decided to share my ridiculous behavior and thoughts with the world again, per the request of my lovely friend, Emily Sharp. 

The past year has been a crazy one, and if you’ve followed me before you know that my previous postings here were focused on three manic children and their equally insane parents. Well, I got out of that hell-hole last June, and have been nourishing my soul back to life ever since. I currently nanny for the two most amazing twin girls in the entire world, Phinley and Reese, and the family is fantastic. Having parents who actually parent and treat their children as people rather than accessories is a key factor in my happiness at this job. The biggest thing I’ve learned from working from that special Back Bay family is how not to raise a family. I’ve gained experience that I will utilize for the rest of my life; I’ve also gained two amazing friends (nannys # 52 and 53). I’d never take the time back, I think I just would have done it differently. I would have actually had a spine, and been the strong, confident woman that I know that I am. But there is no looking back, only forward. Live, learn, and then write about it. 

And now its June again. A year later, and I can honestly say that my life has changed quite drastically. Living in Cambridge with one of my greatest friends in the world has been amazing, and being so close to Harvard Square has been wonderful. I’ve been working on a few writing pieces (but should be working much, much more) and have just been enjoying being single in the city. Ah, yes. Single. Still. I must admit I suffered a bit of heartbreak at the end of the summer, and have survived to tell about it. Let’s just break it down girls- never trust a man with an accent. Okay, I take that back. Never trust a man with an accent with an insane body. Who is also a professional athlete (if you can count squash as a professional sport), and who is tall, and funny, and cultured, and makes your parents fall in love with him. There, those are my guidelines. Follow them, and you will be fine in the world of love. Just kidding, you’ll still fall on your ass but at least it won’t be a tall, sexy, Irish squash player who pushed you. Fuck. 

But yes, still single. And getting frustrated. As those of you who are reading this know, I don’t like to be alone for long, and while I am currently “talking” to someone, I have yet to be locked down. Call it commitment issues if you may, but the idea of being someone’s girlfriend still makes my stomach flip (and I’m not sure if its a good flip). Perhaps I just need to find the right person and that person will make it flip the gooood way. Yikes, still scary nonetheless. In my most recent escapade in the realm of boys- and yes, the people I’ve been dating recently are just that, boys- I’ve realized just how much I hate one thing that doesn’t bother me in any other aspect of my life: texting. Its made being pursued by someone a thing of the past. No longer must a man pick up the phone to ask for a date, all he has to do is shoot a couple words in a lame ass attempt at dating. In my current situation, I literally don’t even know what we are doing. Does a few drunken MO’s combined with a really great weekend equal dating? I’m not sure. But what I do know is that telling me over and over again that you like me, and that I’m beautiful, and you want to get to know me is a hell of a lot different that actually putting those words into motion and doing something about it. Telling me that you want me to join your friends on vacation is wonderful, but I’m not stepping foot on that island until I feel like this isn’t just some casual fling that you hardly give a second thought to during the week. I refuse to be someone that only called (and by called I mean texted) on Fridays and Saturdays. I just want to take him by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to make up his fucking mind!!!! All I know is that I am not the kind of girl to wait around for a man; if he doesn’t figure his shit out quickly, I’m out. Christ, will this bullshit ever end? I watch my friends in these honest, adult relationships where the men in their lives act like actual men, and I wonder, will I ever find that? Or will I be the Boston version of Carrie Bradshaw; dating unavailable boys over, and over again and writing about it to appease my frustrated heart? I guess we’ll just have to see. 

So yes, there’s my rant for the night. It’s getting late, and I’ve got work in the morning. Until next time…

xoxo

Ah, spring. FINALLY. It has completely transformed the city and I am in LOVE with how it makes people seem to come out from the woodwork that was winter. All of the restaurants on Newbury/Boyleston have their patios set up and the overall ambiance has changed completely. And there is so many things coming up that I am looking forward to… here’s my list so far:

Friday: Jaime comes to visit! And we are heading home to Newburyport/Gloucester to visit the familia because everyone in my family likes him more than me. 

Saturday: Back to the Bean to show him a good time! All are welcome to join.

Sunday: Sox vs. Rays with a nice little group :)

Monday: Marathon Monday and I don’t have work because they are spending the long weekend on the Cape…. hollaaaaa

Then it’s MAY! My cousins bridal shower and Jenviev’s graduation from BU, and I’d love to start planning some summer weekend trips (Cape, Vineyard, Saco River, NYC). Oh man.

On the job front; I’m still in hell. However, I am choosing to be happy in my situation because a) I live in the most amazing house for free b) i live in the most amazing neighborhood for free c) i have some great friends in the area that i would miss greatly if i moved home. So, I’m sticking it out. Shit just keeps getting crazier by the day though. Today Zac told Izzy that “if you don’t be quiet i’m going to put my penis in your mouth and pee”.  WHAT. THE. FUCK. these kids in ten years are going to be fuuuuucked. And i call that karma. 

i just want to start this out by saying how grateful i am for being raised by my mother. she is undoubtably the most amazing person i have ever met in my entire life. on sunday i watched her comfort and coddle her own mother as she sat in the fetal position sobbing, mumbling over and over again that all she wanted in the world was to go back home to long island. she refused medication, food, and a shower, yet my mum just rubbed her back and told her it would be okay. meanwhile, being the emotional one in the family, i sat on the end of the bed rubbing her leg with tears streaming down my face, unable to even speak one word. never would i ever think i would see my grandmother in this position, so vulnerable and so closed off. and hats off to my mum, the rock of our family, without her where would we all be? 

on the workfront, i almost quit last night. after being cursed out by the princess on the phone, i was d-o-n-e, DONE. yet i took a close look at what i would be doing if i quit (living at home in newburyport, getting drunk at the bars with people from home because there wouldn’t be anything else to do, and not having a steady flow of income coming in to pay for a. credit card and b. loans) and i realized that for every negative experience i have with this god-awful woman, it is just adding an additional mark on my list of good karma. shit, good things have got to be coming my way soon because i’ve been through hell! and at the end of the day, this is all just more material for my expose on life as a nanny, hollaaaaaa

So after many months of complaints about my source of income, I have kicked into job search mode. Every chance I get I am looking for new opportunities for the upcoming year (and this summer). I’ve already applied to four teaching jobs for the fall, all in the Boston area. Also searching for an apartment for September in the Cambridge/Somerville area. Lots of new things going on! I know that that next year will be better than this year, it has to be. 

So tonight was easily one of the funniest night; after grabbing a few beers at Cornwall’s in Kenmore Sq., Jenviev realized that she had left her retainer in her McD’s bag earlier in the day… so we head over to search for the missing retainer. Cloaked in a black trashbag and gloves, she began her search with the trash inside the building. After four bags and no success, we moved our search to the back ally where 3 bags were gone through until FINALLY the retainer was found! Absolutely hilarious.

Anyway, the past few days have been hell on earth in relation to the job-front. The familia was gone in Vermont, so one would think that my days would be free. Hell no. Not here. Yesterday during the effing snowstorm, I was sent out to Watertown to purchase tennis balls and plastic buckets and shovels for their trip to Aruba. This process took two freaking hours, but all was set right in the world on the drive home when a car in front of us kicked up a rock and chipped the windshield on the Porsche. Karma bitches. The past two hours of aggravation were instantly wiped away with one crack of glass, lovely. And even when I had to wake up this morning at 5 to bring them to the airport, all I had to do was think of that windshield and happy feelings filled my heart.

Heading home tomorrow for a much needed break…. no kids, no overbearing women breathing down my throat… ahh amazing.

What a whirlwind of a couple of weeks. Gasparilla/ my birthday was amazing… full of friends, sunshine, beers, and nostalgia. On more than one occasion my eyes became teary thinking about how utterly amazing it was to have the people I love more than anything around me, and the fact that the weekend would be coming to an end. Unfortunately, it did, but each one of those days was unforgettable. You see, when I’m with them, it just… fits. It works better than anything I can explain; it is like each of us are a puzzle piece, and when we aren’t all placed together the picture just isn’t right.

The past week has been crazy too; work taking over my life per usual. I realized tonight that I am halfway there. Six months down, six to go. Christ, I hope that the second half goes by faster. Maybe the warm weather in the spring/summer will make it better… maybe.

Sunday funday this week was awesome— Superbowl Sunday at Jenviev’s with mucho Coronas and food followed by a rendezvous at Solas (which is quickly becoming one of my favorite bars in Boston) with a few foreigners which was a great time. Every weekend gets better and I’m looking forward to the upcoming weeks :)

Time is a funny thing. It can change people, situations, relationships. Change for the better, change for the worse. Either way, one must accept that change happens as you get older. If there is anything that I have learned this year, this is it. With change comes hurt sometimes, this I have learned most recently. In time, you realize who truly matters in your life, and who will be there when the going gets tough. And I’ve realized how happy and thankful I am that I did not move home; there are a few people there who I know I can rely on, and I am grateful for them. Experiencing Boston and gaining more independence while I work my ass off at a job I despise had thickened my skin, and I am all the better for it. And then there is the happiness in change; learning more about yourself, meeting new people, and finding that no matter how far away you are from some people (be it Texas, Florida, or even just across the river), the bonds that distance can so often destroy can be strengthened with the right people. The people who become your family despite the geographical hardships are the people who matter; these are the people you call crying in the middle of the night when something is wrong are the people that matter. Not the people that tear you down.

So, 2010, throw whatever you want at me. I’m ready.

“I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end, we don’t. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of change, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can’t know it all. You know, life’s funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.”

-Brittany Murphy (RIP)

I’m letting go of the wheel. I’ve realized that I am very happy with the way that my life is playing out, no matter how far off course it may have veered in relation to the way that I had originally planned it. I’m throwing out my idea of my “type” of guy, because I have become pleasantly surprised with the results of stepping away from my perceived notion of the person I will enjoy spending time with. I’m also reevaluating friendships that have become sparse in the seven months since I have graduated, and I am going to treasure those that actively want to be a part of my life and vice versa. I’m going to mourn the losses of loved ones, and think of them often and the times I’ve shared with them. And I’m going to live in the moment, because that is all that is promised.

RIP Ron Carlson

may angels lead you in